What are the barriers for people on the spectrum when it comes to finding love and relationships?
The answer to this question, I’m afraid, isn’t a very simple one; it’s a mystery even to me. A puzzle even Mister A+ himself cannot solve.
Is it because neurotypical people don’t know how to date neurodiverse people? We don’t know.
Is it because neurodiverse people aren’t being given any chances? That seems rather likely.
Dating is a very challenging part of life even for people who are neurotypical. Finding love is something that can’t be planned or forced or something to “make it happen." Love comes in many forms: romance, platonic, family, and friendship. A romantic relationship is something that grows organically, whether it’s done in person or on a dating app. Dating works differently for everyone. Some people have luck with dating apps, while others have better luck with meeting people in person. It can be done in social groups, work or in some unorthodox way. The world of dating is not a game; it is like auditioning for a play or a movie. The point of a date is to get to know the person you have dates with, and when they happen, you must pay attention to how you’re feeling. If you feel something, continue with the dates. If you don’t, let the other person know you feel honestly without hurting their feelings because they are really valid.
Letting the other person know how you feel isn’t always easy, but you should always let them know in person, not over the phone and never in writing! If the person you date doesn’t accept you for you, that’s the universe simply telling you that this person isn’t the one. We all want to find love and settle down with someone; thus, we all have the same desire. Well, most of us at least. As someone who has embarked on the quest to find love, the best advice I can give you is this: be yourself, put yourself out there, give someone a chance, have a great time, don’t overthink it and pay attention to what your gut tells you. We have to be open-minded in order to give someone a chance. If we don’t give others a chance, we’ll never know, will we? When we move on from one person, we move on to the next person that comes along in dating, similar to how a crab moves sideways. This isn't necessarily wrong; in fact, it's a completely natural response to trying to find happiness. We all need to remember this: love isn’t something that you just “make it happen." Love is something that grows organically on its own.
There is something else that creates barriers in dating: Expectations from others. If you go on dates with high hopes, you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. Don’t spend your time trying to find the perfect person. Instead, invest your time in finding the right person for you! Perfection is one example of expectations, as wanting someone to be perfect is very unrealistic, unreasonable and a great way to put stress on dating and relationships. We are human, and as human beings, we are the opposite of perfect. Trying to be a perfect somebody or something is an impossible task. If the other person can’t accept you as you are, that is on them. The ones who refuse to or can’t accept you are the true people with problems. Also, finding love from someone else doesn’t make you special. To make oneself special, you simply have to believe you are! That can’t be taken away from you. We have all probably heard someone say the mind is very powerful.
We all have love to give, and someday, if you see that you are given that chance, take it but keep it cool. If you do meet someone, ask them if they would like to grab a coffee or plan a fun activity. Those are great ideas for a first date. Remember to take things slowly. I have learned in the past two years that it’s best not to have too many hopes when you’re dating someone. When your hopes are high, you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. You can still be hopeful but be mindful to keep them at a minimum. When you go on dates, enjoy your time with your date and BE YOURSELF.
