From the moment Kai was born, I knew he was an amazing, wonderful little boy. There was a light in his eyes, an intensity in his focus, and a curiosity that seemed boundless. But as he grew, I started noticing things that others didn’t or perhaps weren’t ready to see. His speech was very delayed, and he never went through the typical "terrible twos." I don’t recall him ever throwing a tantrum; Kai was always happy playing by himself. When he visited our home, he would often climb into our entertainment unit’s end cupboard and close the door. Little did I know, this was a calming space for him. It was difficult to bring up my concerns, but as a grandmother, my love for both my grandson Kai and my son Paul meant I had to speak up.
I gently encouraged Paul to seek a professional opinion. This was not easy for him or for us, but especially for Paul, who was navigating parenthood as a single father. The journey from suspicion to diagnosis was long and emotionally exhausting. Finally, in 2019, at the age of five, Kai was formally diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I will never forget that day, how hard it was for Paul to hear those words out loud, even though, deep down, he may have already known.
Through it all, my husband and I stood by his side. We were not just grandparents; we were part of his support system in raising this incredible little boy. We knew early intervention was key, so we read everything we could, attended training sessions, and did whatever was necessary to understand how to support both Kai and Paul in the best way possible. Many times, my relationship with Paul was tested because I wanted the absolute best for Kai. But one thing we were always certain of: autism was not something to be ‘fixed.’ Kai was born this way, and we would embrace and support him exactly as he was.
Kai’s mind is like a sponge, soaking up knowledge in ways that constantly amaze us. His love for space and the solar system is unmatched. At the age of six, he could name all the planets, their moons, and even rattle off distances between them with such precision that I had to secretly use Google on my phone just to keep up! He also has a deep fascination with the immune system, understanding concepts at a level that many adults struggle to grasp.
While he has an extraordinary ability to retain information about topics he loves, he struggles with everyday social interactions. Despite his vast intellectual ability, the simplest social interactions can be challenging. Mixing with other children doesn’t come naturally to him, and his school often struggled to see past his unique behaviours. Kai is a deeply loving and caring child, yet the rigid expectations of traditional education make things difficult.
As Kai grew, the challenges within the education system became glaringly apparent. Many teachers still viewed autism as a behavioural issue rather than a different way of experiencing the world. The school he previously attended was not always willing to accommodate his needs, even sending him to a behaviour school for eight weeks. It felt like an uphill battle to get them to understand what true inclusion meant.
There were times when meetings with the school were frustrating, Paul was parent-shamed by the principal, and I was often met with resistance when I asked too many questions. All I knew was that we had to fight every step of the way if we wanted Kai to receive an education, otherwise, it wasn’t going to happen. It shouldn't be like this. The government constantly talks about inclusive education, but in reality, it differs from school-to-school and from teacher-to-teacher.
Thankfully, Paul has built an incredible team around Kai. He has an amazing psychologist, Jane, who has been there from the start of his early supports, a speech therapist, Joanne, and an occupational therapist. Late in 2024, Paul engaged Katie, Kai’s developmental educator, who provided enormous support in helping move Kai from a school that didn’t understand autism. I’m pleased to say that Kai is now at a new school that truly understands and supports him.
Paul has learned so much and is still learning how to navigate everything. As parents we are incredibly proud of our son Paul, and his unwavering dedication he has shown in parenting Kai. He has taught both my husband and me how to handle meltdowns and what to say or not to say. One of the strategies we use is a simple thumbs-up or thumbs-down to communicate without overwhelming Kai.
As a single father with 100% care of Kai, Paul faces enormous pressure juggling work, parenting, and navigating the complexities of the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS). My husband and I made a commitment, not only to Kai but to our son Paul as well. We would be there, in the trenches with him, advocating for Kai’s right to an education that met his needs rather than forcing him to conform to outdated expectations.
My own experiences as a mother fuelled my determination. I remember when Paul was little, diagnosed with ADD in the late 1980s, and the stigma I faced. My own father and both my in-laws dismissed his struggles, blaming me for not being strict enough. I was not going to let history repeat itself. I was determined that Kai would never feel like he was a problem to be ‘fixed.’ He deserved acceptance, understanding, and the opportunity to thrive in an environment tailored to his strengths.
Grandparenting with love and understanding is one of the most important things. I’ve learned as Kai’s grandmother the power of small accommodations. If he doesn’t like his food mixed, I separate it. If he prefers his orange juice without pulp, I strain it. If wearing long socks up to his knees makes him feel safe and comfortable, then long socks it is. These little things may seem insignificant to some, but to a childlike Kai, they mean everything.
Being a grandparent means being a soft place to land, a source of unwavering support, and a safe space where a grandchild can be wholly themselves. I strive to be that for all my grandchildren, Austin, Myles, and Kai, who bring endless joy, love, and purpose to my life. They inspire me every day, reminding me how precious these moments are.
I continue to educate myself, keeping a hardcover notebook filled with resources, insights, and new strategies. Learning never stops when it comes to autism, it’s a journey of constant growth and adaptation. I think that applies to all things in life.
Every week, my husband and I take Kai to Spectrum Connect, a social group for children on the autism spectrum. Paul’s work schedule doesn’t allow him to take Kai himself, so we stepped in. This group has been wonderful for Kai, helping him build friendships in a structured and supportive environment. It’s one of the many ways we try to lighten Paul’s load while ensuring Kai gets the best opportunities available.
Being a grandmother to an Autistic grandson has been one of the greatest joys of my life. It has come with challenges, of course, but every challenge has been worth it. Through advocacy, patience, and an open heart, we have helped create a world where Kai is not only accepted but celebrated for who he is.
To other grandparents of Autistic children, I say this, educate yourself, be supportive, and most importantly, be present. Your grandchild doesn’t need you to ‘fix’ them. They need you to love them, to learn from them, and to stand by them in a world that often misunderstands them.
Kai is not just an amazing little boy on the autism spectrum. He is an incredible, loving, brilliant child who has changed our lives for the better. And for that, I am endlessly grateful.
